I TOOK A PILL

By Bethany Ocansey

My mind can be erratic, it leads me on roads of discovery and teases me with the excitement of trying something new, at least once. And here I was, living in America with our first black president, who was already changing the world. He had done the impossible, smiling the whole way, surely a pill with his face on it would capture everything good! This had to be incredible, and iconic. This was about to rock my world.

My boyfriend must have had a plan to corrupt me through pleasure. He was teaching me how to smoke weed, starting with an uncomfortable blow back that I didn’t enjoy much, but made me light-headed and giggly. I was never a smoker so I knew my lungs and lips would resist, but I gave it a chance every now and then and inhaled so I could get that high feeling. Drugs were a no no for me, I know I know weed is a drug, but real, hard, tough, ‘no going back’ kinda drugs. I was already hyper enough as it was, ‘alcohol is my drug’ I used to tell people.

I trusted the person I was with and being a responsible drug dealer in his former life, he was fully equipped to weed out the bad drugs and find the best stuff so we’d be sure to not get plastic or poop mixed in with the drug of choice. “Let’s do it” I said!

We chose a night in NYC and purchased our tickets in advance so there was no way we wouldn’t get in. I was meeting everyone in the club, so following a fun dinner with friends where I consumed enough wine to put anyone to bed, I headed towards the vortex. It was packed outside, and as I pushed my way to the doorway he grabbed my hand in the crowd and pulled me through. “This one’s going to be trouble,” I heard a doorman say. That just encouraged me to prove him right. The beat hit, and caused strong vibrations through my body, as my ears quickly adjusted to such a loud and demanding sound. He flung me around to look at him and just as he did, he shoved the pill into my mouth. I swallowed without thinking. ‘Shit’ I thought. This is it. ‘Obama, please keep me safe.’

A smile developed across my face, I was confident in our circle and could relax. And just as I did my eyes refocused in a way that halted me in my tracks. I hadn’t seen like this before. What was I seeing? Lights shooting dynamically across the room, yellows, greens, blues and reds lighting up the space around us. The energy and intensity were astonishing. I needed to dance!

My hair was wild, cascading down my back and getting caught around my neck, I swung my head high so that it wouldn’t interfere with my view and raised my hands up while slithering to the music. I was in my own zone, and my own world. Nothing hurt, everything felt amazing. My dress was silk and lay loosely on my body, no bra to add pressure to my skin, just a thong so I could feel the material sensually caress my body. I loved this feeling, I was alive and free.

We were still consuming alcohol, and water had never tasted so good. There was a constant supply of both. Heavenly sweet liquor and the liquid of life. I never wanted this to end.

The music gave me vivacity, and Obama gave me freedom. We were all locked in a loving trance, taking care of each other and enjoying each other’s ecstasy. I was touching him as much as I was touching myself, and the dancing didn’t stop. We didn’t slow down, even when we did. My tongue piercing had been pretty useless from the day I got it but suddenly had meaning as my tongue was twisting and turning around it, adding flavor to my movements. Everything had meaning now.

After making many friends, dancing until we sweat and drinking the bar dry, we had to leave, seven hours later, but it was too soon. I covered my eyes and jumped back startled, blinded by the strong rays of light. ‘Good morning,’ the day said to me. I said nothing back. The car ride was long. I was wasted, but somehow managed to formulate a series of perfectly worded text messages to our friend. How wonderful a mushy brain can be in crisis.

I jumped in the shower and as the water dripped down my body, I was sad because I felt I was washing the glorious feelings away. But the sensations still felt sexual, so even the feeling on my skin was continuing this pleasurable trip. Until, it was ready to rest and recover. The moment I closed my eyes, I knew it was a mistake. The room began to spin violently, and I felt like I was fifty feet in the air about to fall into an abyss. I jolted up in panic, as terrifying dark figures began circling around me, mocking me because I couldn’t touch them, but they were reaching out to touch me. It was torture. I held my eyes closed but they were still there standing over me as I woke. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. And I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be normal again.

Coming down like a ton of bricks was not worth flying through the bouncy white musical clouds, even as sexy as it was. I’ll never forget the roller coaster, but I’m happier on ground.

***

Listen to:

‘I Took A Pill In Ibiza’ by Mike Posner (Seeb Remix)

Warning: Explicit Content

Whenever I hear this song, I just want to get up swing my head and arms around foolishly and imagine I am on that pill again and forget that the come down ruined my experience. This was a one-time thing for me so I’ll keep this playing so I can relive the good times. It’s never a good thing to be completely out of your mind, so get out of control with great music instead.