By Bethany Ocansey

Some may regard me as a flatterer or flirt, especially with the opposite sex, I find it comforts men and allows them to feel relaxed and confident around me, which I love. But one thing I will not do is stroke a man’s ego in the bedroom. There is one thing to moan a little more or shout a little louder, but in my 36 years on this earth I have never faked an orgasm. Why women do this is just beyond me.

I have successfully ‘finished’ with exactly 3 men. 3’s my lucky number so I guess that’s appropriate! But let’s be real, I’m not that young, and I’ve only been married (and divorced) once so my number of partners isn’t modest, I’m definitely pushing 20. So, 3 may be great if you’ve had 3 partners in your lifetime, but it is not that great when you have had 2, 3, 4, or 5 times that number.

I don’t just blame the men that I have been fortunate and unfortunate enough to fall in bed with, I also blame my mind. It has an annoying hamster in its wheel that rarely stops and for some reason has a habit of getting in the way of my happiness and escape. Its rather rude if you ask me.

So, what did I learn on my journey to spine tingling, mind altering ecstasy? I learnt that it is possible! The first time it happened was kind of a fluke, I think my partners penis was literally perfectly shaped to my vagina, so he just had to put it in and perform a few dances and we were on cloud nine! Magnificent. Admittedly I didn’t have to do much, but somehow my mind shut off which is all anyone ever says you should do.

My second was sheer research, care, compassion and an insatiable appetite for each other which made the graduation worth the hours of studying. It was a proud accomplishment for my partner. And a release for me. I felt normal, I had one-upped my stubborn body and was on my way to better things. And it did get better because the third and final one I won’t let go!

So, YES, it’s a man’s job to satisfy a woman, just like it is our job to please our man. It works both ways. This isn’t a government workforce where there is no equality between the sexes. This is a bedroom, or a closet, or a park or wherever turns you on, but it’s equal and the effort should reflect this.

I’m a guy’s girl so I know what some guys say when it comes to this subject, I’ve heard a lot of excuses and jokes, and completely stupid things like “unless it’s my boo… (which I am assuming means their number one girl out of many,) …why should I care.” Lazy ass, selfish…ok don’t get me started. Anyway, the point is that unless men are selfless when it comes to sex you will unlikely have a man that wants to please you up until the end.

Porn doesn’t help. Listen, I like watching porn, of course I do it less when I’m in a relationship, but I have no worries flicking it on and providing myself with a little self-love now and again. What I have a huge problem with is the female very rarely cums – and when they do it shows a quick penetrative moment like that’s the only thing needed – but almost always the scene finishes only when the men cum. What kind of bullshit is that? It perpetuates the notion that sex is about the man, not the woman. Yes, we could also go into the objectifying nature of porn etc., but that’s not what this blog is about.

Women, please DO NOT fake orgasms, make your men do the work. And if they don’t want to it’s because they don’t care, move on. Do not let a man walk around like they are a Don Juan when they aren’t even close. Maybe it’s a manipulation technique for you or the sex is just really that crappy, but still, stop it, or the cycle will continue.

I also understand that for some women (like me) it is very difficult to reach climax, I have to be completely comfortable and lost in the passion and security of the moment, so you may feel bad for your partner trying with all his might (maybe.) But it isn’t impossible. And rarely the woman’s fault.

I’m not saying sex can’t feel really good without getting to the finish line, it can. But that cherry on the vanilla cake just makes your dessert delectable. We are not put on this planet to please men, so no, don’t fake it until you make it. Just make it!


Listen to:

I’ll Make Love to You’ by Boyz II Men

I am stone deaf and cannot hit a note if my life depended on it, but I got up and sang my little lungs out to this. Just remembering music from the sultry, sexy time of R&B makes me warm and bubbly inside. When a man adores you from head to toe and makes every one of your wishes his command, there is no way you won’t be smiling, shaking and in love! Come on boys, become the men that you are and get it done! And women, stop faking. Get it for real!